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Internal Struggles–Momocon’s Fall Shoot

Today was a bag of mixed emotions.

On one hand, to descend the hill and to feel the familiar aura of Momocon was nothing short of spectacular. I love places like these, and before today, I had experienced nothing as breathtaking as this park. The marriage of the outdoors with the convention experience felt like an event tailored with me in mind.

However, I had to face another feeling, a feeling I thought I had conquered. All that bashfulness I spent the entirety of AWA conquering had returned with a vengeance. I was in the midst of people more talented than I—photographers and costumers alike. Today my nerves won, and they allowed me only three photos to take home.

Daily, I face the fact that there are people who do what I do far better than I can, and the climb to become a better artist gets harder and harder. There are other insecurities, too. Between being male and black, and looking the way that I do, I find approaching cosplayers for a photo hard. Perhaps harder than it needs to be. But the desire to not cause the common problems plaguing the cosplay community shrinks me down into a person that has no confidence to speak off.

I had fun. I even met some people. But in the end, I feel like I took a giant step backward, and I don’t know how to proceed.

But nothing in my overreacting head will stop me from trying.

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