During the first week of shooting Wyldcards, I dipped my toe into the art world for
the first time in a long time at Vinings Gallery in Roswell Ga. If you’ve been
watching the project, you may have seen me speak on my feelings on the
experience and the awakening that chased me afterwards.  

All the usual art was packed away and replaced by works from an
artist named Imam, who had his own art gallery showing for the weekend. Each
piece provoked a response I found uncommon in my reactions to works I see
commonly online and on IG…I felt compelled to take my time on each piece, and
with every second and from every angle I stood, I saw new things in each painting.
More than a few people there found this to be curious– many of whom felt
inclined to make comments to me about it, including this old couple who decided
to chat with me. They asked me what I was seeing and what I was feeling about
each painting, and I was disappointed that I couldn’t answer in a way
that I felt was intelligent or accurate of my experience. I
merely recalled what I learned in school about
multi-point perspective, 3D space, leading lines, color theory, and applied
that to a sense of admiration when it came to Imam’s command of all four. In
that moment, I remembered being fascinated by my studies, and though I don’t
fondly recall college as a whole, I was thankful for what I learned. But with that
gratitude also came a bit of frustration. 

In college I studied 2D animation. I know my principles, my
terminology, my techniques from working with a pencil or digital pen, but
I’m weak in the area of composition–something I needed most in order to
transition from 2D drawings to photography. I recalled, from my first visit to
the gallery, a painting called Solace 2008 by Fabian Perez…and
I found myself transfixed. It was portrait of a woman on black, with a
dress painted in bold red, surrounded by a chaotic red vignette. I loved it…but
it got me thinking. As poisoned as my mind is, it forces me often
to compare myself to others. It didn’t take me long to mentally sift
through every photo I’ve ever taken, only to confirm that I have never produced
a photograph that was anywhere near as striking as that painting was.

When I was speaking to that couple at the art show, I was also
speaking to myself. I told them I didn’t yet have the talent for
composition, or the eye for color, or the mind for portraiture that I wish I had.
I tell people this often, from friends, to family, to people that I work with, and
it often goes in one ear and out the other. They’ve all formed their opinion on
my work already, and they are ready to defend it on my behalf. It’s sweet. However,
this occasion was different. The couple never saw any of my work, and therefore,
had no opinion they could offer in its defense. For once I could speak
truthfully from my point of view, and hear a response based not on what I’ve
done, but what I feel is true about my work. And their response was exactly
what I needed: “Everybody starts somewhere. Even Imam started
somewhere.” It’s a common assurance, but one I needed to hear as opposed
to the praise people around me offer… because while I’m enough for them, I
have not yet satisfied myself as an artist. The couple would go on
to recommend that I research the work of Jerry Uelsmann, a photomontage artist,
and Ansel Adams, a landscape photographer. Again, these people never knew me,
nor have they seen my work, and Imam’s art on display was nothing like these
recommendations, but they were right in assuming it was photography I’d
resonate with. A lucky guess, perhaps, but anything good deserves gratitude.

When the show closed and I was stuck on the Uber ride home, I had much
to think about. Artistry is subjective and the definition of what it means
changes from person to person. The way I receive art in my eyes and in my heart
is so far removed from the images I take on a day-to-day basis…but I’m close. I want
more practice, I want to compose images better, I want to build better, more
cohesive themes, and I want a better grasp of color. I want these terms to come
together to form an image that no longer requires me to explain my intentions,
also, an image that reaches out to others and causes them to stop and ponder. I
want to be visually arresting, and I know I can get there if I keep moving in
the direction I’m going now. I am blessed that, even though I am not
yet the artist I wish I was, I am enjoying the act of creation as I build
myself into the vision of my own future. There are worse creative pits to be
trapped in.

Before I left, I was very candid about my experience in the gallery,
mingling amongst the artists, patrons and hosts of the art world, a
place I’ve never been but always saw through a screen. They replied that I
could have my own gallery show one day.

Imagine that.